I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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