My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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