Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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