After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
this is an emotional support booty call
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
