i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
