belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
