i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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