Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
