im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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