im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
