When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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