I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
