I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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