I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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