My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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