I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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