these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
