I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
