we're blogging at a bar
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
