Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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