I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
