3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
