i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
