i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A+ Viking dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
