I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
