it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
