"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
