my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
