I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She swung at the pinata with crutches
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Congratulations! We have a period
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