Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize