His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
