so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is wine microwaveable?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
