Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we should paint friendship bongs
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