Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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