I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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