white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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