my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
