Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
