What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't been this sober since birth.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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