Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
