I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
