Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
