I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
