Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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