I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
