It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
