Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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