I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
