We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
