he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
