So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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