She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
