oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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