I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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