get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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