Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dignity is for republicans.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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