I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
