thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
