I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
