omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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