make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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