he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
me + whiskey = a bad person
BRING THE BAGELS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
