Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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