Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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