We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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