Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
