Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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