Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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