Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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