i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
