hotel room ftw
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
