question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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