the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
