just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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