I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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