I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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