I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
