I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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