You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Randomize
